I am blessed to introduce you to my husband, Steve. We both wear deep scars from life’s battles but have discovered God’s faithfulness to be our victory song, even when circumstances didn’t work out as we hoped.
When I asked him to share his hope story with you, he immediately thought of a journal entry from 2014. So please pull up a chair and sit with his words for a few minutes. And may your heart find hope.
I wrote the following in 2014 following a massive heart attack, a stent, and a double bypass surgery.
Today I wonder-
Steve Sherwood, 2014
The hospital, doctor, and ambulance bills have arrived—hundreds of thousands of dollars. The financial burden is made heavier by the medicinal costs necessary to prevent the stent from clogging up.
Today I wonder did I make the right decision. I could have ignored the signs and slipped into eternity. Evelyn assures me she would rather have me with the debt than live without me. She is a great wife, friend, and confidant, but today I wonder. Oh, not about her and her love. But did I make the best decision on October 2?
The wrestling with decisions may be counterproductive, but it has forced me to look at life, God, relationships, finances, and purpose. It has forced me to face my thoughts, feelings, and the truth.
While in the hospital, more than one nurse told me, “Mr. Sherwood, if you start experiencing depression, talk to someone. Don’t bury it or try to hide it.”
So, on the way home in the car, I shared my concern over the finances with Evelyn. By opening up my heart, the door for ongoing conversations swung open. I shared feelings of weakness, fear, and pain. We wept, rejoiced, and trembled together. We’ve dealt with anger and sorrow. We have delighted and shared gratitude for the many who have ministered to us with food, cards, financial aid, and friendship.
But there have been times when not sharing led to some despairing and suicidal thoughts. During one of those dark wrestlings, I came across this quote, “Suicide does not end the chances of life getting worse. Suicide eliminates the possibility of it ever getting better.”
The doctors warned about the emotional roller coaster that follows open heart surgery, but that didn’t prepare me for its impact. It’s frightening!
But in the fear, God sent words of comfort, “Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall praise Him for the help of His countenance.” (Psa 42:5 )
Time and again, God sustained me through;
“I love you” spoken and shown by my dear wife.
Scripture passages like John 16:26-27. “In that day you will ask in My name, and I do not say to you that I shall pray for the Father for you; for the Father, Himself loves you, because you have loved Me, and have believed that I came forth from God.”
Dallas Williard quotes, “Ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life. Hurry is the enemy of all things spiritual.” and “Arrange your days so that you experience total contentment, joy, and confidence in your everyday life with God.”
And a quote by J.I. Packer, “Once you become aware that the main business you are here for is to know God, most of life’s problems fall into place of their own accord.”
If you are struggling with depression, I pray you will be encouraged to talk to someone or reach out to God the Father, who dearly loves you.
Fast forward to March of 2023. And as I reflect on the uncertainty and depression brought on by the heart attack, I also see how Father took care of the debt and doubt. And Astra Zeneca provided the necessary medication free of charge. God poured out words and acts of compassion, love, and wisdom that anchored me to Him.
Since then, we have faced many other trials (including another heart attack), but God has been faithful. I didn’t realize it then, but this personal entry was a lament. God heard me, pulled me from the miry clay, and set my feet on solid ground.
This passage is my favorite reminder to hold on when faced with trials.
Here’s what I’ve learned through it all: Don’t give up; don’t be impatient; be entwined as one with the Lord. Be brave and courageous, and never lose hope. Yes, keep on waiting-for He will never disappoint you!
Psalm 27:14 (TPT)
God bless you today.
Love in Christ,
Steve
14 Responses
Steve,
Such a powerful and priceless message for anyone who has lost all hope! O victory in Jesus, our Savior, forever! Counting the precious blessings that have come from the words of you and Evelyn, and been poured into the hearts of many! Thank you for sharing!
Suzanne, this is Ev. Your words are always a breath of fresh air. So grateful for the unexpected gift of friendship God gave us through you and Stuart.