Finding God in Depression
I am blessed to introduce you to my husband, Steve. We both wear deep scars from life’s battles but have discovered God’s faithfulness to be our victory song, even when circumstances didn’t work out as we hoped.
When I asked him to share his hope story with you, he immediately thought of a journal entry from 2014. So please pull up a chair and sit with his words for a few minutes. And may your heart find hope.
I wrote the following in 2014 following a massive heart attack, a stent, and a double bypass surgery.
Today I wonder-
The hospital, doctor, and ambulance bills have arrived—hundreds of thousands of dollars. The financial burden is made heavier by the medicinal costs necessary to prevent the stent from clogging up.
Today I wonder did I make the right decision. I could have ignored the signs and slipped into eternity. Evelyn assures me she would rather have me with the debt than live without me. She is a great wife, friend, and confidant, but today I wonder. Oh, not about her and her love. But did I make the best decision on October 2?
The wrestling with decisions may be counterproductive, but it has forced me to look at life, God, relationships, finances, and purpose. It has forced me to face my thoughts, feelings, and the truth.
While in the hospital, more than one nurse told me, "Mr. Sherwood, if you start experiencing depression, talk to someone. Don't bury it or try to hide it."
So, on the way home in the car, I shared my concern over the finances with Evelyn. By opening up my heart, the door for ongoing conversations swung open. I shared feelings of weakness, fear, and pain. We wept, rejoiced, and trembled together. We've dealt with anger and sorrow. We have delighted and shared gratitude for the many who have ministered to us with food, cards, financial aid, and friendship.
But there have been times when not sharing led to some despairing and suicidal thoughts. During one of those dark wrestlings, I came across this quote, "Suicide does not end the chances of life getting worse. Suicide eliminates the possibility of it ever getting better."
The doctors warned about the emotional roller coaster that follows open heart surgery, but that didn't prepare me for its impact. It's frightening!
But in the fear, God sent words of comfort, "Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall praise Him for the help of His countenance." (Psa 42:5 )
Time and again, God sustained me through;
- "I love you" spoken and shown by my dear wife.
- Scripture passages like John 16:26-27. "In that day you will ask in My name, and I do not say to you that I shall pray for the Father for you; for the Father, Himself loves you, because you have loved Me, and have believed that I came forth from God."
- Dallas Williard quotes, "Ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life. Hurry is the enemy of all things spiritual." and "Arrange your days so that you experience total contentment, joy, and confidence in your everyday life with God."
- And a quote by J.I. Packer, "Once you become aware that the main business you are here for is to know God, most of life's problems fall into place of their own accord."
If you are struggling with depression, I pray you will be encouraged to talk to someone or reach out to God the Father, who dearly loves you.
Fast forward to March of 2023. And as I reflect on the uncertainty and depression brought on by the heart attack, I also see how Father took care of the debt and doubt. And Astra Zeneca provided the necessary medication free of charge. God poured out words and acts of compassion, love, and wisdom that anchored me to Him.
Since then, we have faced many other trials (including another heart attack), but God has been faithful. I didn’t realize it then, but this personal entry was a lament. God heard me, pulled me from the miry clay, and set my feet on solid ground.
This passage is my favorite reminder to hold on when faced with trials.
“Here’s what I’ve learned through it all: Don’t give up; don’t be impatient; be entwined as one with the Lord. Be brave and courageous, and never lose hope. Yes, keep on waiting-for He will never disappoint you!”- Psalm 27:14 (TPT)
God bless you today.
Love in Christ,
Steve
Steve Sherwood
Guest Author
Steve Sherwood felt the call to full-time ministry as a teenager. Since that time he has ministered to people of all ages, sharing the good news of Jesus Christ through teaching, preaching, serving, and loving well. When he is not chatting with a stranger over coffee in a local shop, you can find him enjoying long walks with his wife, smoking beef brisket on the grill, or playing games with his eight grandkids.
Lisa Nichols
Bless you both your talking about your. journey .Will help so many depression is real it is the devil trying to get ahold of you. Love following you.
Evelyn Sherwood
Lisa, thank you for your encouraging words. Throughout our ministry, we have seen depression be a real struggle for so many. Praying this story gives hope to those caught in its grip.
Kathy Davis
As always, the Lord speaks through you both. This life is hard. We do not all walk the same walk and at times, I have found myself trivializing particularly painful parts of my own journey with trite remarks like “it could always be worse” or “at least I’m not dealing with (fill in the blank)”. Those phrases have done nothing except to cause me to feel guilty. Like you, I have found my help comes from Him when I lay out my hurts and concerns authentically before Him and allow Him to truly comfort me with His promises and remind me who He says I am. Fear, doubt and guilt are the trifecta that Satan uses frequently in our lives and only by allowing myself to intentionally sit with the Lord, His Holy Word and rejecting the weapons of the enemy in Jesus’ Name am I able to overcome. I especially love the last scripture you shared from The Passion Translation. So grateful the Lord put you and Evelyn together all those many years together and that you continue to minister together. Trusting God will continue to use you and bless you and us in the process.
Evelyn Sherwood
Kathy, this is Ev. Thank you for sharing a piece of your story. We all walk through seasons of pain and uncertainty, leaving us weighed down with fear, doubt, guilt and shame. You said it beautifully “only by allowing myself to intentionally sit with the Lord, His Holy Word and rejecting the weapons of th enemy in Jesus’ name am I able to overcome.” So true.
Lynda
Thank you for sharing this. Hard things person to person, family to family help us put words to our own experiences and help us understand and see together the places of spiritual growth and the faithfulness of God. We nod in agreement to the testimony. I like the Dallas Willard quote, will be reflecting on that today. Thank you
Evelyn Sherwood
Lynda, this is Evelyn. Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read a piece of our story. Steve and I work to live honestly by sharing the struggles, but also representing the faithfulness of God in our times of uncertainty. And yes, that Dallas Willard quote gets put on the display in our home often, because we are prone to forget.
Carla Anderson
Wonderful! Thanks for sharing.
Evelyn Sherwood
Carla, you are so welcome. Thank you for sharing in the journey.
Mechele Buckels
Thank you for sharing. It was what I needed to hear today. God bless.
Evelyn Sherwood
Mechele, thank you for taking the time to read. I know there are a lot of voices in our world. It blesses Steve and me to know that part of our story ministered to you. Blessings to you.
Shelley Boruff
I love when people of faith share the deep, the dark, and the painful. Why? Because it allows God to shine light through the broken pieces to break into another’s deep, dark, and painful. This in turn allows God to continue to shine and be glorified. Thank you for sharing. Trauma is ugly, painfilled, easier to push down or away than deal with, especially, when you are the shepherd. Thankful for you and Evelyn and your witness.
Evelyn Sherwood
Shelly, this is Ev. Thanks for your encouraging words. You said it well. Trauma is ugly, pain-filled, and easier to push down. But it eventually rises to the surface in one way or another. These past three years, especially, have taught us how the gift of lament helps peel back the layers of trauma. We could not have walked this “Job season” without lament.
Suzanne Mason
Steve,
Such a powerful and priceless message for anyone who has lost all hope! O victory in Jesus, our Savior, forever! Counting the precious blessings that have come from the words of you and Evelyn, and been poured into the hearts of many! Thank you for sharing!
Evelyn Sherwood
Suzanne, this is Ev. Your words are always a breath of fresh air. So grateful for the unexpected gift of friendship God gave us through you and Stuart.