Teach me more about you, how you work, and how you move so that I can walk onward in your truth until everything within me brings honor to your name.
Psalm 86:11
As I scrolled through social media, the pounding in my chest indicated rising anxiety in my heart: so much unrest, uncertainty, and division.
The noise leveling is deafening and leaves me feeling conflicted, forcing me to ponder, “Am I doing too much or not enough? Should I speak? Should I be silent? If I do, will I add fuel to the fire or make peace?”
Perhaps you feel the internal conflict as well. How do we turn down the volume of this world so that we may hear God’s voice?
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Let us be silent so that we may hear the whisper of God.” So, I got quiet by pushing away from the screen. “God, I don’t even know where to begin. What would you have me do? How can I bring glory to You and hope to the hurting?”
And in the silence, God reminded me of a painful memory from my past that taught me some valuable lessons about walking with Him through conflict.
The year was 2009, and my mother had been in the battle of her life. It was stomach cancer. In September, she had surgery to remove the tumor, followed by chemo and radiation. By December of that year, we had received her prognosis. Cancer riddled her body, and there was Nothing more they could do. Steve and I knew the right thing to do was move her and Dad in with us so we could pull our resources to give her the best care and surround her with family. We loved her like it was her last day for the next six weeks.
In mid-January of 2010, we stood around her bed, singing hymns about God’s peace as she exhaled her last breath. We felt a surge of joy that her pain had ended. But our happiness was overshadowed by the sorrow that she would no longer be part of our everyday living.
Looking back on that time, I remember how numb I felt. I was the living dead, walking through the motions of life on the outside while cobwebs grew around my heart. Grief does that to a person.
Do you know that the enemy of your soul doesn’t care when you are hurting and broken? He is out to destroy you at any cost. He knows that if he can keep you beat down, you will struggle with the character of Christ and your identity in Him.
And so it was during this most profound loss that I experienced relentless arrows of division, distrust, and deception. Four individuals simultaneously began spewing words at me and about me that attacked the core of my identity in Christ. I heard comments like, “You don’t believe the Bible. You aren’t standing for the truth. You are untrustworthy. You are not loving.”
I knew if I could pull away from the onslaught of nasty words and climb into the arms of my heavenly Father, I would be safe. In the stillness of His presence, I would find protection and wisdom. But each time I attempted to find refuge in the Father, they would break through my barricade and shred my resolve with new accusations and manipulative tactics.
One night in the thick of battle, my armor dinted and stained with tears. I fell to the kitchen floor, lifted my weak arms to heaven, and cried, “Oh God. I need you!”
For the next several hours, it was as if God swept me up in His arms and danced me across the floor.
- He whispered His love song to me, resetting my heart to His truth. (Zephaniah 3:17)
- My daughter, I see you. I am yours, and you are mine (Song of Solomon 2:16)
- Nothing can separate you from my love (Romans 8:39)
- I know you are tired. But when you are at your weakest point, my strength shines through you (2 Corinthians 12:19)
- The evil one wants to keep you in turmoil, spinning you round and round in a frantic blur. But like a ballet dancer has a focal point when they pirouette, let me be your focus. Fix your eyes on me (Hebrews 2:12)
His words continued to wash over me. “Do not be easily tossed about by the words you hear. Lean in and listen to my voice. For you are my daughter, and I am your Father. Like a sheep knows the shepherd’s voice, you know my voice. Let the world’s noise slip away so my voice rises to the top. You will gain wisdom to walk the path I have for you when you hear me and see me. Resist the temptation to walk ahead of me. “As we walk together, you will be moved less by your circumstances and led more by my Spirit. My Spirit is for you, guiding you into truth, wisdom, and grace.”
As he spoke, one by one, the lies that had pushed me to the ground began to lose power. I stood to my feet, tall and straight. Renewed strength pulsed through my body. What had been tears of sorrow were now tears of joy. One by one, praise songs poured from my lips.
That evening, leaving it all on the kitchen floor with Christ was my turning point. He began a transformative work in my heart as I prioritized time with Him. He changed the way I viewed my circumstances and those involved. He gave me wisdom just when I needed it. At times wisdom dictated silence; at other times, bold words of truth required great courage.
There is more to the story; I will share it when appropriate. But for now, I hope my ramblings have brought you to this one truth-
Never allow the frenzy of conflict to pull you away from solitude with the Savior. Only in this place of intimacy with him does eternity invade our temporary trials and equip us to see the bigger story God is writing. Then with fresh eyes and heavenly wisdom, we can take our next step in the light of God’s love and grace.
12 Responses
Your words (God’s Words and His prompting) and God’s timing for me to read them and be reminded of them are always such gifts to me and many! Thanks so much for allowing God to work through you and to remind the rest of His kids to rest in Him and to keep our eyes on Him! Have a beautiful day!
Lynn, bless you. Your words always serve as a reminder to me to keep writing. God is faithful to pour in and out what needs to be said to His children.