Oh, what peace we often forfeit.
Oh, what needless pain we bear.
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.
I don’t particularly appreciate being thrown out of the lap of comfort into the fiery furnace. However, I like it even less when I miss opportunities to lean into the Father and learn who this God is that continues to shower love and grace upon my undeserved heart.
Through the years, God has held my hand, cradled me in His embrace, and assured me of His promises through every trial. The truths He has taught me about Himself and who I am in Him continue to shape how I walk through the valleys of life.
One such truth came to me during a season in our marriage when Steve was on disability due to myoclonic seizures. The truth-pain is an invitation to prayer.
Steve’s neurologist prescribed a massive medication to calm the symptoms until a definitive healthcare plan was in place. This medication not only eased the symptoms, but it also numbed every emotion and ambition within Steve. The full-of-life, fun-loving, compassionate man that I married had now become an empty shell. There were no sweet embraces, endearing words of love, or living out life together as a team. He got up, ate, and slept. Snarky words became his language, and I felt invisible when he glanced my way.
Up until now, we had navigated the seizures together. But this new development in Steve’s health left me feeling alone, deserted, and even betrayed. The sole responsibility of our marriage, raising the children, breadwinner, and picking up his pastoral duties, all while caring for his health, left me crumpled on the floor from the weight of it all.
One evening, I crawled into bed, my mind as worn as my body. I needed help. I needed God. But I couldn’t even find the words to express my heart to God. So, I just sat on the bed, sobbing. “God, I don’t even know what to say.”
I am not sure how long I sat with my tears, feeling so alone and lost. But then, God whispered, not audible, but in my heart, revealing that I was not alone. He was sitting with me, catching each tear as though they were the prayers I could not utter. “Ev, remember who I am. Remember the power of my word. Remember that all my promises are yes and amen. Pray them back to me.”
I grabbed my bible off the nightstand. As tears flowed down my cheeks onto the turning pages, God began to show me how to pray His Word back to Him. My prayer began in Psalm 23.
Father, you are my shepherd. You are more than enough for me. I am worn, but you promised to lead me near peaceful streams. Take me there, to that place of peace in you. You alone renew my strength. I don't know what to do next, Father. Take me down the pathway that will bring glory to your name as you walk me through this dark time. May the light of your love dispel the fear that grips my heart. You are my protector. Guard my heart against the lies that tell me I am alone, forsaken, and unloved. Comfort me with your embrace. Your promise is an open invitation to sit at your table of grace, even when my enemies surround me. Pull me up to the table, Father, because I am surrounded and can't get there alone. What indescribable joy floods my heart as I sit in your presence. You are good. Your love is never-ending. Your presence is life to me.
Wow! What a game-changer! That night, I experienced firsthand that in my weakness, He shows up with strength beyond my comprehension (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).
This season of brokenness was an invitation to sit at Jesus’ feet and learn to frame my darkest nights with grace-etched prayers. When my words fell short, His words were more than sufficient.
Since that evening, when life’s circumstances have left me overwhelmed, exhausted, and at a loss for words to pray, I pick up God’s Word and whisper powerful prayers of promise.
Friends, you may feel overcome and depleted by all that is happening in our world. Too many questions, not enough answers. Let me encourage you to grab your bible, ask the Holy Spirit to lead you, and then start praying back God’s word to Him. Lay it all at His feet. Then, watch Him do what He does best.
Until next week, let’s find hope in the journey,
Evelyn
PS-There are some great resources that have encouraged me in my prayer life.
The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson
Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence
Praying Hyde by Captain E.G. Carre
Rees Howells Intercessor by Norman Grubb
Praying God’s Will series by Lee Roberts
